Try sleeping with a broken heart.

Too much drama happened lately and this is what I get after coming back from Penang. I tried not to think about it and tried to think about the sweet memories back in Penang but I just can't. I tried acting happy in front of my family members and friends. But when I'm alone, the moment is killing me. The flashback in Penang is just overlapped by the haunted feeling.

I tried to occupy myself with stuff and watch tons of funny videos, listen to tons of rock 'n' roll songs, just to kill the sadness hiding within myself. Yea, it did have some effect on it. After a while, it eventually came back. The feeling is haunting me.

I wanted to know the reason, about why am I such an awful person to you. I tried thinking about it over and over again. I even searched my MSN history but I got nothing there. I read your blog and the post you wrote was deleted. What does that mean? I have so many question marks in my head now. I am a pathetic person to you but I don't even know why I am to you. Do you know that feeling is killing me? About not knowing why people hate you while you think you did nothing to that particular person?

I know I must have done something which made you think I'm that kind of person. If you don't tell me, how am I gonna know and how am I gonna change? Therefore, I need to know. Please tell me, even if it may hurt me or something. I just need to know.

And to you. About what you've written in my post. I really appreciate it. You've finally made me come to a realisation on what kind of person I am to you. I know there are certainly things that I've done that might have hurt you and I am now, sincerely apologising to you. But even if I say my apology, I know you won't accept it. So yeah, thanks for letting me know how you feel. At the same time, I want to let you know that you are not always right. I'm not trying to fight or humiliate you. I just want to make you realise that being harsh to people might make them stay away from you. Just telling you, no offence.

So yeah, that's all from me. Sorry if I have done something offensive to you girls. Call me a bastard or whatever. I swear I won't fight back, not even a single word about it.

Sadness leads to hopeless.

Wonder what feeling am I experiencing now. Cried like a baby just now. How long have I not been crying like this, eh? Such a release~

C'mon~~ It's after my Penang trip, why should I bother so much? I should be flashing back all the good memories now~ YEAHHHH~~~

OK, Imma stop this now. Bye bye.

Yay!

It's TODAY! I am so so so so so excited! TONS OF FUN!!

Penang, here I come~~

Let's get it started, yeah ha!

Dear Seniors of SMK Tropicana, our one and only big event of the year, which comes with the theme of Glamour, which is our,

TROPICANA'S PROM NIGHT 2010

has finally come. In fact, it's TOMORROW. So people,

ARE YOU READY TO GET THE NIGHT STARTED?!

Trash just simply refers me.

I.. am such an awful person. I'm arrogant, I'm selfish, I'm brainless and I'm useless. Someone, please throw me into a garbage bin now. I am just merely a trash that nobody wants.

Don't dry with fakes or tears.

It's 1.37 in the morning now. And yet, I'm still awake. How amazing is that. =.=

I guess this is life after SPM, eh? Sleep, eat, sleep and eat. But mine isn't that bad actually. There are still tons of things that I gotta do and I just did one of it today! It was planning my Penang trip with my fella comrades. I guess we had it all covered up, eh? Just waiting to meet up with Mable and confirm everything with her.

Then next, Prom Night. I am so so sorry to leave my beloved organiser, Kai Ting to go to Royale Bintang all by herself. She was like doing everything about Prom Night all by herself and I felt so sorry about it. Actually, I wanted to accompany her but I just promised my other friends to plan my Penang trip first, so it can't be helped. =X. I hope that she's not mad at me though. =P. Anyway, I'm sorry. Let me know whenever you need my help, k? Anytime and anywhere, I swear.

Next, moving house. Sis called me today during my Penang-trip-planning session. She asked me to help my father in settling the things up. And there was this one time I, well.. actually was unhappy about it because he asked me to follow him there but ended up asking me to rest over there because everything was almost done. When I came to think of it, I think he just simply needed some company. He has been doing everything all by himself and as a part of the family, all I've done is not even half of what he did and I'm surely feeling bad about it, again.

And furthermore, I know there has been a finance problem occurring in my family recently but he's just not showing it in front of us. All he did was just keeping quiet about it. I know he didn't want us to worry about it therefore he kept quiet but why can't he just understand that we're one family? Shouldn't a family share everything with each other? Even if it worries us, but at least, we won't be spending money like nobody's business and most importantly, there will be someone carrying your burdens along with you and that will be us. So why can't you just tell us? We're all grown up. We longer are the kids who always begs you to buy us ice-creams. So, let us carry some of your burdens, k? This is the reason why a family is needed.

Alright, it's 1.56am now. Gotta get into bed. My eyelids are super duper heavy now.

Memory lane.

I have been sleeping for the whole freaking long day. Reason? I'm EXHAUSTED due to my lack of sleep last night. I stayed awake until 7am eh! GENG leh! xD

And yeah, FYI, SPM is OFFICIALLY OVER! Happy? Sad? Seriously, it's hard to tell. Happy, because all my hardword finally has been paid off and I'm really excited about what college life really is. Sad, because we're leaving high school. I mean, we have already left high school since the first day of taking SPM. TIME REALLY DOES FLY. It's already December and I'd go back to December all the time~ Aha. Taylor Swift again. xD By the way, this song is nice, you should go and listen to it, it's called "Back to December". =D

So hmm. Guess that I'll be looking for job. I NEED a job which the working hour is like the office's working hour. Anyone has any suggestion? =)

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

Aha. SPM is already OVER! Well, for those who are taking Chinese, just ASSUME that it is. =D And sadly, tomorrow I'll be taking another exam, an unofficial one, Entrance Level Exam. =(

Anyway, I'm just so so excited to blog now. Firstly, it's because my damn internet finally functions properly! In the past few days, it kept on disconnecting which made me feel damn frustrated. My bro said it's due to the presence of my sis. Cause once she gets back from Malacca everytime, the internet will sure be disconnected. xD

Secondly, I have tons of things to share. According to what I've mentioned in the past few posts (if you ever read), I have tons of plans after 14th of December. Firstly, I've got to start planning for my Penang trip, which I'm really really looking forward to. Things to buy, places to visit etc etc. It just can't be done! Secondly, PROM NIGHT! Lots of things to plan such as.. ATTIRE! Seriously, I have NO IDEA what to wear. Black coat with tie? White long sleeve with black pants? AHH! Can't decide. And I've still got to plan the agenda and everything with my fellow organisers! SOOOOO many things await me!

Furthermore, I still got to shift my house. And I've painted and designed my new room (with Thomas's helping) and it looks something like this:

Yes, it looks like some trees with a freaking huge 8-sided-instead-of-6-sided snowflake. And what's even worse is, my bro said my room now looks like a holy place where the Christians pray, due to my painting. =.= Anyway, I've repainted the "trees and snowflake" and it looks like this now:


After repainting, I was kinda regret doing that. It looks better with white, right? BLAH, who cares. Christmas is coming now anyway, isn't it? ;)

Wish I'd never grown up.

1 more subject to go. 3 freaking papers. BIOLOGY! Well, it's actually not only 1 subject, but 2. Still got Chinese. But I'm feeling like SPM is over right after Biology papers. LOL! I think it's because I'm good at Chinese and I need not worry about it. ELEH! LANCI! xD

Time really passes fast. SPM is ending really soon in just the blink of an eye. What have I done in this year? Did I waste all of my time throughout the whole year? Did I make a difference? Did I change myself? I don't know. It's hard to tell by myself.

Time flies. Things changed. People changed. Changed because of we're all grown up now. We finally see things differently. Our thoughts aren't as innocent as before now. We have our own dreams, our own targets to achieve. Sometimes I really wish I'd never grown up. Everything could still be simple cause we don't need to deal with so many things. Ahhhh. Isn't that wonderful? But it will never happen, will it? =(

Alright. It's 11.30pm now. Time to get into bed as I can see my pillow is waving at me now. Nights! =D

You have a problem with that?

Seriously, I don't know what has gotten into your mind now. Could you PLEASE tell me? What is really WRONG WITH YOU? HUH?!

Shifting to a new house and living in a new room are supposed to be exciting and happy. But you just simply took them all away from me. The living room, you can paint/decorate/design allllllllllllll the way you want. But my room, NO.

It's MY ROOM. And I want to paint it with my favourite colours. What the hell is so wrong with that? I already gave in ENOUGH by not wanting red as my room colour. And now I want another colour which you AGREED BEFORE. And yet, you have a damn problem with the outcome.

You're always like that. You have your own opinions and you just simply ASSUME everyone has the same opinions as yours. Do you think that we don't have our own mind? Even if we told you ours, you'll just give excuses by complaining this and that and lastly, you'll just ignore it. That's it. Do you even care? Do you even pay attention to our interests? If you say you do, sorry but I don't feel it AT ALL.

I am NOT going to give in any longer. If I want it that way, it MUST be that way. This is MY room, MY stuff, MY place. You have no right in controlling MY stuff here, cause I'm going to FIGHT FOR IT.

FULL STOP.

Show 'em what you're worth.

A very meaningful song, video and lyrics. Katy Perry looks really gorgeous here. =)

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin?
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in
Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you?
'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show them what you're worth
Make them go "oh oh oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make them go "oh oh oh"
You're gonna leave them falling down-ow-ow

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you'd only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane, comes a rainbow
Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open the one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show them what you're worth
Make them go "oh oh oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make them go "oh oh oh"
You're gonna leave them falling down-ow-ow

Boom boom boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it boom-oom-oom

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show them what you're worth
Make them go "oh oh oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make them go "oh oh oh"
You're gonna leave them falling down-ow-ow

Boom boom boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom boom boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

- Firework,
Katy Perry