Is it true that you only come to your realisation when something terrible happens? I've been living for 18 years. And this realisation finally came to me, when I nearly died. Physically died, I mean.
I have encountered a car accident this evening, at KL. I wanted to make a U-turn because I was heading the wrong direction. Whenever I head to the wrong directions, I won't be able to help myself but feeling panicked. And at that very moment, I thought the emergency lane was a U-turn. So, I brake my car. But, I could feel that my car didn't slow down because of the heavy rain. In fact, I couldn't make it on time to make my U-turn and I just turned the steering wheel. Then out of a sudden, I felt that my car was moving forward, even after I have fully stopped it. Then I realised, my car was banged.
At that very moment, I panicked like, like I've never felt before. A lot of stuff suddenly ran through my mind. I was like, did I kill anyone? Did I spoil my car? Did I this, did I that? I was worried like hell that I thought that I might have injured or killed people. But luckily and fortunately, no one got hurt. In fact, not even a scratch. Then the next thing was, the victim got out of his car and scolded. I was too worried and too afraid to even apologise. My mind was blank. Totally empty. When I came to my senses, I realised my mom had been apologising non-stop while I sat there doing nothing but chicken out. Then, my mom called my dad and that victim, Mohan, finally calmed down and we were all waiting for my dad to come.
After a while, two officers suddenly came by and asked me to take out my license and I/C. I was panicked like shit because my mom told me not to give my license to anyone because if I gave them, my license will be gantung-ed and that's it. I don't need to drive anymore. But then luckily, they didn't do anything and just returned them to me after checking. And then they asked me to drive to the nearest police station because they said that we were blocking the traffic, which was incorrect. We didn't block the traffic, it was because of all the busy-body ones kept on staring at us. Alright, after reaching the police station, my dad finally arrived and my parents told me not to say a word about the accident. In fact, they even asked me to say that it was my dad who drove the car, not me, so that my license won't be gantung-ed whereas my dad's license won't be affected because he's not having a P license. Even though my dad was doing this willingly, but deep in my heart, I wanted to make it up to him by telling the officer the truth, but I didn't have the guts. I was afraid of my license will be gone. In the end, I willingly let my father make the report by himself, like a coward.
After that, my mood started to stabilise. Waited for my dad to come out and we went back home after fetching my friends back to their home. While I was having dinner with my family, my dad told me this, "Don't be sad, Jason. No one is going to scold you. We all learn from our mistakes and you should be thankful because the officers told me that the place where your accident took place is actually the place where most people died when they encountered an accident. Don't feel sorry to anyone. Alright?" At that moment, I had a strong urge to cry but I eventually swallowed back my tears. I left my father went to the police's room all alone and still, he didn't blame me, but consoled me to not to worry. I felt so useless. I felt like a coward, out of a sudden.
I know I couldn't make it up to him, after all the humiliation from the officers and the victim. Therefore, the only thing I could possibly do to him is by chanting for me to have more wisdom for his sake. This is the least I can do to make it up to him. I am sorry, Dad. I was panicked when I went to the wrong direction because I wanted to show you that I also have a good sense of direction, like my brother. But I guess I screwed up in the end. I am sorry and I swear it won't happen next time. If it happens again, just let them take my license. I can't bear to see you being humiliated anymore. It just hurts too much.
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