Failure.

While looking at my sister sleeping, I suddenly felt so bad. Random. LOL. She's just too tired. Not just physically, but also mentally.

Everyday I've been forcing her to do this and that, not allowing her to do this and that, giving her pressure. All I wanted to see was just seeing her growing up to become a better person. I guess this is what a brother always wants their little siblings to become. But I guess I was wrong. The method I used was just too harsh for a little kid like her.

I always ask her to shower right after she comes back from school, never considering whether she's sleeping on the sofa due to the whole day of schooling or not. I always ask her to finish her homework before the night comes, never considering whether she knows how to do or not. I always scold her for not paying attention to me while I was teaching, never considering that she's so tired from waking up 6 in the morning and stayed awake till the rest of the day. I always blame her for not respecting my parents, never considering myself behave like her. I always expect a lot of things out of her, never considering my expectations were too high for a 10 year old kid. I never even consider whether was I doing the right thing or not, because I always thought that I was right.

But just now, seeing her snoring in the room, I had an urge to cry. Sorry for being so emotional out of a sudden, but I just can't help feeling that I failed to become a good brother, a good elder brother who leads his little sibling to the right way. My parents always told me that, "Don't be so harsh on your little sister la, she's so young. When you were young, you were even worse!" and I surely would fight back with words like, "This is the reason why she disrespects you people except me!". But I guess I was wrong. My sister did not respect me, she FEARED me. She's afraid of being scolded, scared of being pressured by me. That is the reason why she did everything just to obey me. I felt that myself is so bossy.

All I wanted to see was just she, being able to grow up to be a good girl. But as I said, my methods were way out of the line. I shouldn't be so harsh on her. I guess.