Try sleeping with a broken heart.

Too much drama happened lately and this is what I get after coming back from Penang. I tried not to think about it and tried to think about the sweet memories back in Penang but I just can't. I tried acting happy in front of my family members and friends. But when I'm alone, the moment is killing me. The flashback in Penang is just overlapped by the haunted feeling.

I tried to occupy myself with stuff and watch tons of funny videos, listen to tons of rock 'n' roll songs, just to kill the sadness hiding within myself. Yea, it did have some effect on it. After a while, it eventually came back. The feeling is haunting me.

I wanted to know the reason, about why am I such an awful person to you. I tried thinking about it over and over again. I even searched my MSN history but I got nothing there. I read your blog and the post you wrote was deleted. What does that mean? I have so many question marks in my head now. I am a pathetic person to you but I don't even know why I am to you. Do you know that feeling is killing me? About not knowing why people hate you while you think you did nothing to that particular person?

I know I must have done something which made you think I'm that kind of person. If you don't tell me, how am I gonna know and how am I gonna change? Therefore, I need to know. Please tell me, even if it may hurt me or something. I just need to know.

And to you. About what you've written in my post. I really appreciate it. You've finally made me come to a realisation on what kind of person I am to you. I know there are certainly things that I've done that might have hurt you and I am now, sincerely apologising to you. But even if I say my apology, I know you won't accept it. So yeah, thanks for letting me know how you feel. At the same time, I want to let you know that you are not always right. I'm not trying to fight or humiliate you. I just want to make you realise that being harsh to people might make them stay away from you. Just telling you, no offence.

So yeah, that's all from me. Sorry if I have done something offensive to you girls. Call me a bastard or whatever. I swear I won't fight back, not even a single word about it.